The Pandemic Turned My Daughter Into A Slytherin

Months into the pandemic, my daughter informed us she had retaken the Hogwarts Sorting Hat Test and was now a Slytherin.  What the actual f***k?

When my children were younger, my wife and I read all the Harry Potter books to them.  Then we watched all the movies, often more than once.  Like the rest of the world, we were huge fans.

One night we decided to take the Official Pottermore Sorting Hat Quiz as a family.  So exciting!  Where would everyone land?  For the adults, it was also anxiety provoking.  What if people ended up in different houses?  Would it inspire anger, jealousy, a lifetime rivalry?  Or worse – what if one of us turned out to be… a Slytherin?

For those in need, here’s a quick refresher on the traits attributed to the houses at Hogwarts:

I’m happy to report we all ended up in the house of Gryffindor.  Sure, the other houses are fine (not Slytherin), but let’s be honest – who doesn’t want to be a Gryffindor?  You get to hang out with Harry, Ron and Hermione, breaking the rules when necessary, knowing Professor Dumbledore has your back.

Everyone was happy.  And I was relieved.  Who knows how much family therapy would have cost if things had gone wrong?  (In retrospect, it was stupid to take that completely made-up test in front of our children.  The stakes were way too high.)

So imagine my distress when my daughter walked into the living room one day and informed us she had retaken the test and was now a Slytherin.  Remember that scene in “The Exorcist” where Regan shows up at her parents’ party and pees all over the floor?  It was exactly like that.  Minus the pee.

I was in shock.  My daughter’s a Slytherin?  How could this be?  You can’t change houses – that’s why The Sorting Hat is such a big deal.  You get what you get and you don’t get upset!

Only it turns out you can get sorted again (online at least) if you enter a different email address.  Which is apparently what she did.  This gave me two concerns: A) My daughter has two email addresses?  When the hell did that happen?  And B) Using another email address is a very Slytherin move.  Not a great sign.

Still, is fudging an email address enough to knock someone into a completely different house?  Or has this pandemic actually changed my children in some intrinsic way?  I decided to do some research.

What Makes Someone a Slytherin?

It is important to note that most people have a combination of traits from all the different Hogwarts houses.  After all, Harry Potter almost got thrown into Slytherin until he begged the Sorting Hat not to put him there.  So while the stressors that accompany this pandemic probably aren’t enough to completely change a person’s personality, maybe they could shift a person’s focus enough to affect the Sorting Hat’s algorithm.

It’s no secret that this year has been challenging. Job loss, isolation, and the stress of knowing you or a loved one might become ill have impacted everyone’s mental as well as physical health. And unfortunately, our children are not immune. Studies show that when people are cut off from their friends and support group it can lead to, among other things, feelings of anxiety, depression and increased irritability. While some are finding ways to cope, others are struggling.

So it looks like I had my answer:  I’d taken away my daughter’s friends and social life and replace them with… me.  No wonder she became a Slytherin.  I’d be pissed, too.

But could it be more complicated than that?

Stress and the human brain

Science shows that when the human body experiences stress, it releases hormones which kick us into “fight or flight” mode, triggering our “survival instinct.”  When our survival instinct kicks in, we are naturally prone to focus on the things that will ensure our survival.  While the traits assigned to the Gryffindor House show a proclivity towards “adventure,” the Slytherin can be characterized as focusing on “success and survival.” So in theory, stress could cause someone to become more “Slytherin.”

Not only that, but one could also argue that the qualities attributed to the House of Gryffindor are relatively useless during a lockdown.  Courage?  Daring?  Nerve?  Who needs those things when can never leave the house?  On the other hand, cunning, resourcefulness and leadership totally come in handy when you’re trapped in a confined space with a group of people.  All you have to do is watch “Survivor” to see how that plays out.

Apparently my daughter has opted for the characteristics that will benefit her the most during this seemingly endless lockdown.  Can I blame her?  I think it’s safe to say this pandemic has made a number of us more “Slytherin.” I know I have my moments.  As for my child, while I haven’t seen a huge shift in her behavior, maybe it’s just enough that she might check a different box during the Sorting Hat Quiz.  And there you have it.

Are these changes permanent?

Studies of 9-11 and Hurricane Katrina show that children with strong parental support (or any adult support, really) tend to fare better during times of crisis.  This plays a huge part in determining whether the stress they experience is toxic or non-toxic. (“Toxic stress” being the kind that can damage development.)

To prevent stress from becoming toxic, experts recommend we talk to our children on a daily basis (crazy, I know, but hear me out,) listen and empathize so they feel safe and secure, and remind them that this is only a temporary situation (that last one is from my own therapy, but I think it’s valid.)   And since children look to adults for cues on how to feel about a situation, it’s important to take care of ourselves so we can manage our own stress and anxiety.

The unfortunate truth is, our children will probably not escape this pandemic unscathed.  But with a little nurturing and compassion, we can help minimize the negative impact it has on them.  The less traumatic the experience, the less likely any changes will be damaging or “permanent.”

A silver lining?

In the meantime, my daughter is still a Slytherin.  Will she remain one?  Who knows?  But now that I’ve experienced living with a Slytherin first hand, is it really such a big deal?  Sure she can be a little “agro” sometimes, and I keep waiting for her to throw an “Obliviate” spell my way.  But she’s still my daughter, and if this is what it takes for her to survive these crazy times it seems like a small price to pay.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, while this pandemic has sucked with a capital “S,” and it will obviously take us time to return to “normal,” odds are our children will be fine.  Maybe there will even be some positive takeaways.  When children are exposed to non-toxic stress it can help build resilience.  Which is a great quality to have in this ultra-competitive, goal-oriented society of ours.

Who knows, maybe my daughter’s newfound skillset will come in handy down the line.  I’m pretty sure a majority of Fortune 500 CEOs are Slytherin.

Or maybe, just maybe, she and other like-minded people will help transform the house of Slytherin into one of the most progressive houses at Hogwarts. If anyone can it do it, our children can.

Did this pandemic turn you into a “Slytherin?”  Let me know in the comments below.